::: Verse of the Day :::
I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
| John 17:20-21 |

So what Jesus is saying in the prayer is, unless we (the church, XS or any body of Christ) are in Christ, obeying the Father & working with the Holy Spirit, our evangelistic efforts are basically a waste of time. Or maybe, to put it in a nicer way, not as effective as it could be. This is something I think that ONE could work towards.

Went for megapraise practice yesterday. Its exciting to see how the younger ones are taking over in leading worship & as musicians. Still need more bassists and drummers though. Can't always have the same people playing for every megapraise. It maybe be difficult because GAS has set quite a high standard. Anyway, I was there just as a spectator/ sound tech. I was giving some of my opinions about what I knew about music. I hope I didn't offend anyone in the process. Don't know if my comments were welcome or not. :P

I went shopping before the practice by myself again. I almost forgot what it felt like to spend time alone. Had a good time reflecting on these past few weeks and decided to take certain steps to get my life back in order. Maybe to stop taking part in the coarse joking with my buddies. Or to stop pitying myself. Or maybe to stop ignoring God. Ignoring God is a very dangerous thing to do. Because you will soon realise that He doesn't need you but you need Him.

I noticed something while strolling around Plaza Singapura that I found pretty interesting. NOBODY goes out alone. Or rather, very few people actually plan to spend time by themselves. When my buddies asked where I was going before we parted, they were surprised to hear my plan. They even thought I was going to meet someone secretly. So anyway, I was taking the escalator down to the 4th story when I saw this JC girl on the 3rd story. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her except she was leaning against the railing looking down at the people scurrying about. She only caught my attention when 10 minutes later while I was walking to Times Bookstore, I noticed that she was still there with a forlorn look on her face.

I was thinking to myself, 'Wow.. this girl must be emo like me... '
And so I walked into Times Bookstore to browse, (Incidently, I bought a book called Pegasus Bridge. By the same author of Band of Brothers) but keeping notice of her every now and then. It was another 10 minutes before a bunch of JC guys (from a different JC) came by and this guy whom I assumed to be her boyfriend stood beside her and talked to her before walking off together... No one stays alone, unless they're waiting for somebody. And maybe thats what I'm doing....

waiting...

Just a quick update... I went for a friend's engagement today. Here we go, watching life fly by. Seeing the people around pair up and move on. I know 'there's still time', 'i'm still young' and other assorted excuses. But I'm getting tired of waiting. Its back to school tomorrow... And IPPT on tuesday.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I had this dream...
this dream is make believe...
I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve
because I don't know who i'm looking for
I don't know whats left fighting for
If this is all to life then I want more
I want more...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

XS is growing... We're reaching out to more people. Having more fun and hopefully, being more effective for Christ. But that doesn't seem to make me rejoice. Not many things are making me rejoice lately. Certain issues are chaining me down and wearing me out. Maybe its because I'm constantly reminding myself of what I'm lacking. Its like that gatorade advertisement where the guy is swimming in liquid concrete. Or the guy cycling with a giant ball and chain connected to his bike. Or the guy running with the parachute.

I'm going to stop talking about things like this now. I think it'll be good that I took my mind off it. Of course its fun to joke around once in a while, but do it too often and it starts to take its toll... Need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because misunderstandings will arise, and complications will cause problems. And people will not take me seriously next time. There was a glimpse of hope for a split second today. But I'm not even going to entertain it. Because I've come to a point where I confuse even myself. Where my soul takes me for a wild ride on the emotional spectrum. Thrilling highs.. but the lows leave a lot to be desired.

Let me end off with a short excerpt of an article.
I thought my wounded heart never would heal. I now realize I developed my list for protection. It was easier to have a shopping list no one could fulfill than to risk getting hurt again. Then God reminded me of his promise never to leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I found this comforting in the face of the fact that loving anyone is a risk. Walking in the knowledge that God will carry me through the difficult times and will be with me no matter what now gives me the freedom to take wise risks in romantic relationships.

Additionally, I looked at others who made a poor choice in a (marriage) partner and determined not to be like them. While there's wisdom in this, at the same time I wasn't trusting God with my personal life. God showed me self-protective hearts can't love. I thought keeping a list would protect me. But after many years of sizing (people) up, I developed negative thought patterns. I didn't realize I was operating out of fear and a critical spirit until God revealed that to me. It was then I realized the list I held was, in reality, holding me.

Our society encourages an "It's all about me" attitude. Music, television, books, even well-meaning friends encourage self-promotion. But this attitude blocks love. First Corinthians 13:4 says love isn't proud. We can't focus on ourselves and then expect a relationship to flourish. Not only is this kind of thinking not conducive to a healthy relationship, it's also not conducive to a healthy heart, one free of pride and a judgmental spirit.

Lasting romance, the Bible tells us, is rooted deeply in the soil of sacrifice. List-making, on the other hand, can be critical and self-serving. Practicing selfless love, whether relationships lead to marriage or not, blesses everyone involved. And as Christians, we're called to selfless love, the kind that has others' best interest in mind.

Every once in a while you stop and think to yourself. What the heck are you doing with your life? You stop everything, amidst your busy schedule, to reconsider the things that you're wasting your time on. Then your flaws come up at you like blinking neon lights in a seedy part of town on a dark night. They scream to be noticed when you're trying to hide your shame.

How do you lose something so beautiful? Why didn't you hold on tightly enough? Why didn't I wake up out of my stupor sooner? I think its pathetic how I'm groping around in the dark trying to find something or someone who will fill that void. Jeremy mentioned something about a compass that pointed true north despite interferences. I want to stop twirling around... I'm tired

You talk & talk & talk...
But nothing ever happens. Changes aren't seen. I could say that fruits require effort, and effort requires time, and time is hard to come by. But its been too long without any results. Drastic actions need to be implemented. Maybe people will notice another change... Maybe they won't. But what matters is that I do something about it.

How would you market yourself?

If I were a product that could be sold... How would I advertise myself? How would I project a postive image onto the consumer's mind? Would there be any benefits or advantage in using this product? Its hard to think of any when you have no interests outside of church. I play music for church, play soccer for church, lead cell group in church, dress up to go to church, hang out with church friends. I'm distancing myself from the world. Which is a good thing. But maybe I need more hobbies. Difficult to achieve when my entire schedule revolves around church activities. Is this what it means to give my life to God? By giving my time and interests?

A.W. Tozer says

No worship is wholly pleasing to God until there is nothing in me displeasing to God...
...Thats why I say your worship must be total. It must involve the whole you...
...If there is to be true and blessed worship, somethings in your life must be destroyed, eliminated.

Apparently its not enough. Anytime you think 'hey, I'm doing pretty well,' its as if you did nothing at all. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying God is some sick dictator who wants to run your life into the ground and make you miserable. But its only when you give up everything to Him... every single aspect to Him along with every bit of filth comes along with it. Only then can He start the long tedious process of helping you to become Holy like He is. Only then will you realise that by giving up everything, He actually gives it back to you, purified and sanctified and with so much more! You realise that your life isn't 'destroyed' but rather enhanced. The good points which you had are brought forward to be developed and the bad points are diminished or transformed. And then you will be ready to be sent forth.

Its been a tiring day. Non-stop lectures in Singapore polytechnic. Thank God that I've attended seminars before. Was able to keep attentive for most of the day. I'm glad for the opportunity to book out for lessons rather than having them in camp. The change in environment is good for the morale. Even if it does mean booking back in to camp at 6pm.

These 2 weeks have been slightly unreal. In camp training is intensive and yet time passes slowly. A lot of things have to be learnt & memorised. We're expected to pick up skills at lightning pace. I expect it to get more intellectually challenging as we go along. I praise God for putting me here. The more I think about it, the more amazed at how well everything falls into place here. Having more time to focus on God & read His word. Time to do things like preparing Word for cell group. But sickeningly, I did not bring in my cell Word file. Forgive me Lord...

Sunday's sermon was an interesting one. Interesting because I learnt so much from the speaker even though I disagreed with her on so many issues. Issues which I felt were God's lessons for her specifically & not for Christians in general.

Opinions...
Are we entitled to them? What about the things I believe in? Do I dare say that what I believe in, bible truths so to speak, are the absolute truth? Isn't there a chance that I many be honestly wrong? Or will my faith carry me through? Will her faith carry her through the things that seem flawed to me?

All I know is to go where the Holy Spirit leads me. To walk the path that He lays before me with a quiet confidence. Doing my best at the tasks laid before me. Praying that by doing so, my life will be a good testimony to those around me. But is that an end in itself? Am I doing it so that I get some self-worth out of my life? God, how do I do I become a good testimony? How can I be most effective for You? Should I become a religious freak? And scare off everyone I meet? Or is it possible to lead a fun Christ-like life?
Who said Christians were losing out? The world.
Who said being a good testimony makes you a religious freak? The world.
But its not entirely the world's fault. Our lives have become so ingrained with the world that we no longer recognise goodness when we see it. Or sin for that matter.

The question would be... How do I rebel against the world? Where should the lines be drawn. Janet Buchanen says that theres no such thing as a balanced Christian life. If you're looking from the secular perspective, then I think I agree with her. Deep down I sense that its the truth. So do I withdraw from these things? To abstain from movies, tv shows, the computer, music...? Things which have a chance to introduce sin?

Do I fear that I slip into a state thats irrelevant to the people around me? Fear of insignificance? Fear that by sacrificing these things, I'll turn into some religious dinosaur? Why fear? Because deep down I still place it in a position of importance.

I went down to Rhema today. I'm glad I did... It so happened that today's worship flowed so well and I met up with God. I missed worship like this. Worship so real and intense, its as if you could literally reach out and touch God. As if God was right next to you replying to every sentence you utter in tongues. It was a good time. But it was a gentle reminder from God... Its time to start praying already.

Tomorrow morning I'll be booking in for the start of my signalling vocation. I think it'll be quite an interesting 3 months. I'm really looking forward to all that extra time.

::: Cell Verse :::
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit–just as you were called to one hope when you were called– one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
| Ephesians 4:1-6 |

Reality According to Hollywood

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Persons knocked unconscious by a blow to the head will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds—unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they will go off.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will patiently wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

These aren't the only ways that movies twist reality.

Saturday's XS challenge. My cell won... I can never get used to winning things. It wasn't easy though. Had to go through two bowls of peppery Wan Tan (dumplings) to win. I ate a total of 38 dumplings I think. Others had to gulp down half a watermelon, solve puzzles, get the clues which were on the ground floor from the 3rd floor. And so my nameless cell got off to a good start. Jeremy Gan suggested a verse from Ephesians 4:1-6. It refers to unity as a body of Christ which is one of the key points of a healthy cell.

"One body, one spirit, one hope, ...one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God & Father of all"

Verses 5 & 6 emphasise the word 'one'. Would it be good as a cell name?
One

Yesterday was one of the most relaxed Sundays I've had in a long long time. Really enjoyed playing drums for CPC 1. Had a good time of prayer and praise before CPC 2 service started. Without the pressure of booking in lurking at the back of my mind. I really thank God for this new phase of NS. More time to spend with Him, more time to prepare for cell group and more time to myself.

Soccer with Marine Parade Christian Centre was a feisty one. But it ended off well. We still lost 2-1. Thats two losses in two weeks. Oh well... Still have a lot to improve in the team. I played alright I guess. Trying to nail down my midfield role. Its easier with the improved fitness but I still need to improve on my dribbling. I think my strengths are holding up the ball and passing. I've also been wondering whether I shout too much at my players. Am I expecting too much?


There's still something missing though. Something thats not there. But that will settle itself in time. Because I don't like this feeling of being alone. Don't get me wrong. I'm perfectly fine. But there's a desire that cannot be quelled. I don't think its supposed to be gotten rid off. Only temporarily quietened so that it doesn't consume you.

::: Verse of the Day :::
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
| Philippians 4:12-13 |

"We've got to get better."
I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters
Or forget it all together.
See the months they don't matter.
It's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away.

Just ask the question (Just ask the question).
Come untie the knot.
Say you won't care,
Say you won't care.
And retrace the steps (Retrace the steps)
as if we forgot.
Say you won't care.
Say you won't care.
We try to avoid it (Try to avoid it),
But there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing,
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

Well all that we need is just a reaction,
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction,
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back.
| taking back sunday - new american classic |

I'm a corporal now... Didn't manage to walk the 32km route march but it wasn't a requirement for passing BSLC. I reported sick on Monday when I booked back in to camp. Not sleeping for more than 40 hours is not a good idea. And playing soccer during that time isn't recommended either...

Anyway, I've been posted to Stagmont Camp to be trained as a signal specialist. I was almost disappointed to hear my name being called out for the signal specialist. I had been preparing myself for ASLC for a long time now and had convinced myself of the good points of being there.
1) I have a 1st Sergeant Instructor whom I really respect. He does things the 'experienced' way. Gets the job done and knows how to relax.
2) I have a really good Staff Sergeant who is a buffer for the shit coming from the big bosses
3) I sort of like the section training. (a.k.a. Chionging)
4) I respect my Platoon Commander for his 'Garang-ness'.
5) The combat pay would be useful. ($100 more)
6) You get promoted to 3rd Sergeant sooner.

But God knows best. I've been thinking a lot about how I would take care of my cell group if I had gone to ASLC. Now with a lighter load, I can focus more. Hopefully I focus more. I need to FOCUS!!! Haven't been very steady lately. I dunno why I waver. Thank God. Gotta go rest. Have to be at Stagmont Camp at 0745...

Tomorrow the holiday ends... Tomorrow I begin my work again. Its been a good time of rest. Responsibilities don't end although I'm in camp. Even though I don't hear anything from XS, things still move on. My responsibility to find out. Next week we will be having the multiplication of the cell groups in XS. Maybe a better word would be 'reorganisation'. The problem is... I'll be in camp. Another confinement weekend.

Am I being responsible if I say I'll continue with my tasks but end up not being able to fulfill them? I don't think it would be possible to just drop them though. There's no one else to do those tasks. So I'll just carry on But God will make a way. I just have to be willing.

Finally meeting the 'gang' (Matt, Ziig, Cheng, Pam, Denise) after so long. Time doesn't permit. Organise my time? I only have a total of one and a half days to 'organise'. Thats on a good week. And then I have to leave out most saturday evenings, sunday mornings, and some sunday afternoons. So the only free time is just after I book out. Oh well... I'm not complaining. I know God sees and He will honor even if men don't.

God... Its times like this where I feel like giving up. When I've come so far and have nothing to show for it. Do I have nothing to show? Maybe I'm grading myself with a wrong system.

You don't want to be associated with the world? You want to be associated with spiritual things? Then you need to be graded along with spiritual people. But the problem is, there is a lack of people who are like-minded where I am. I'm residing at a place where 80% of the sentences are littered with expletives. I have no opportunity to talk about spiritual things. And times where I do bible study could be interrupted at any moment.

Maybe life will be like that next time. Maybe this is my familiarisation phase. To get me used to living like this when I start serving Him. Its just like doing physically strenuous activities. You do it often enough and sooner or later you're able to do more when you reach the same level of tiredness. Maybe this is the level of independence that I have to achieve. A level where it becomes a part of me. Maybe there is a change... Maybe I do have an influence on others. But I don't see the fruits.

It could be a time to exercise patience or a time where I need to re-evaluate myself. It could be a time to let go of certain responsibilities which I know I won't be able to fulfill well. Is that me? If I can't do it to the best of my ability, should I continue doing it?

I’ve been really afraid of being close to God for the wrong reason. I don’t want my relationship with God to be affected by external events. Its true that I got a ‘kick start’ from you but I hope that I’m doing it for the right reason. Time will tell...
| written 12 November 2002 |

::: Lyric of the Day :::
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did
Hey, you know you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all these screwed up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine...
| something corporate - konstantine |

Character
• You may be well thought of because you rarely antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight.
• When treated fairly, you can be sound and stable and seen as a dedicated and devoted individual. You hesitate to say no and will seldom, if ever, attack.
• You are rather quiet and modest. You tend not to show assertiveness and are never domineering or egocentric. You prefer others to be in the spotlight rather than yourself.
• When meeting new people, you may be rather unassuming and mild mannered. You will be cooperative and easygoing in social groups and family events, because of an inherent need not to make waves or cause hostility.
• You become most comfortable in situations when the best offense is a good defense. You seldom act aggressively towards others, but will demonstrate a passive resistance from time to time.

Communication

• Your style shows you to be a much better listener than many other styles. You will listen carefully and attend to what others say. People who are talkative by nature may seek you out because of the natural audience you provide.
• In some new situations you may become somewhat unsure because of your need to feel secure in most activities. You will warm up to the new people or event in your own time.
• You would most likely not consider yourself an extremist on various issues, or in socializing with others. You do not need to be the center of attention like others, and in fact may feel rather uncomfortable when in the limelight.
• You generally communicate with others in a mild-mannered way. You do not like to make waves and create disharmony. As a result, you may defer your own ideas to those of others.
• Because of a need to avoid confrontation, you may not express an opinion. As a result, you may go along with others, even if you disagree with the activity, sacrificing your own self-interests to accommodate others.

My Strengths
• You are excellent at listening to your partner.
• You are very sincere in actions and words.
• You are a dependable and caring partner.
• You tend to be a very calming influence in heated situations.
• You are excellent at listening to the concerns and ideas of others.
• You are generally very patient with people.
• You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.
• You take pride in being very loyal to friends and family.
• You are good at helping others people to reach their goals.
• You tend to work hard at making sure that other people are happy.
• You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.
• You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.

Its more or less confirmed that I'll be going to Advance Section Leader Course (ASLC). Had a good time chatting with my Platoon Commander about the platoon just now during my interview. Asked questions about what ASLC would be like.
"An average leader with a positive attitude. A bit slow at times. Has a good SOC timing of 8 minutes 51 seconds"
I'm not OCS material I guess...

The problem with you, Daryl, is that you're too honest. You cannot wayang. You cannot smooth talk your way through interviews. You cannot pretend to be what you're not. Your 'what-you-see-is-what-you-get' attitude, although honorable, is working against you now.

Its strange... My heart holds so many things but I don't know what they are. I feel a strange burden. God, please watch over my family, my friends and my future. I know you will and I will let go of my worries.

::: Verse of the Day :::
On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
| Psalm 63:6-8 |

Today was so slack, it was boring!! Yes, yes I know... Complaining about things I should be grateful for. But all we did was march back & forth from the compant line to the canteen. Supposed to have a lecture in the auditorium behind the canteen but it ended up being a canteen break because of faulty AV equipment. I think we went to the canteen about 4 times today. Why do things like this happen when I have no money? Go figure...

Got a chance to watch Singapore beat Indonesia 2-1 yesterday night. The instructors set up a television set in front of the company. The Singapore squad look more like a complete team now. Hopefully their form will carry them into the SEA games. If they don't make it to the last 4 of the SEA games, they should be prepared to kiss goal 2010 goodbye...

Anyway, the outfield camp/exercise was surprisingly good. Kinda enjoyed the fighting patrols & ambush patrols. My night ambush exercise went pretty well except for 2 things. Night Vision Goggles & a minor screw up at the FRV. I shan't elaborate. Other than that, I think I enjoy this part of SISPEC. Maybe the tough part isn't here yet. But I trust that favour & grace will carry me through. I dare not imagine what I'll get myself into without Him.

2 days till I'm 22... Today I sat through another recruitment talk. They keep emphasising about having enough money to support your future family. They keep emphasising about how important it is to have a life plan. And how you're basically screwed if you don't. If you put 'logical' reality up against 'illogical' spirituality, which do you think makes more sense? Am I running into life unprepared? Is my desire to spend 2 years of my life in Rhema Bible School just a foolish ambition? The diploma that I'll get isn't even recognised by the methodist church!
Daryl... Can't you even throw yourself into God's work properly? Why of all things choose something that makes the least sense? Why choose something with the least security?

Doubt
You know what? I take comfort from the fact that doubt comes along my way. Because even Jesus had doubt. But more importantly, He knew His purpose & His desire was to please God. Doubt isn't the problem here. Its a natural human response to uncertainty. Its what you do with doubt that matters... Do you fall out? Lose the plot? Run away?
Or do you grit your teeth, clench your fists & stride forward with a quiet assurance and a smile in your heart that God is pleased with your obedience.

How can anything be more satisfying? However, I feel there's a need for some things to be left behind. To be a leader requires strength to shine forth. No more complaints. No more yearnings. However, new beginnings require new hope & motivation. I need to look past these 2 years...

Why God, why?!?
I was enjoying myself! I was having fun in SISPEC for the first time and it all had to be spoilt by me signing my first extra. When I was doing well. When I was cruising along. Why did this have to happen? What did I miss Lord? Where did I go wrong?

"...Whoever heeds correction gains understanding."
| Proverbs 15:32b |

"How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver"
| Proverbs 16:16 |

"Understanding is a fountain of life to those who have it, but folly brings punishment to fools."
| Proverbs 16:22 |

Dear Lord... Teach me what I need to learn from this situation. Lord, you know it wasn't an intentional mistake. Lord, I pray for favour from my superiors. Lord, you know how much this long weekend means to me. If its possible, revoke the punishment. But most importantly, teach me to be joyful in all circumstances. Amen.

Here I am settled in my bunk. 7 minutes left before I really need to go to sleep. That feeling of dread wasn't very intense today. And it totally disappeared when I reached the company line.
Peace... There's nothing like it. But sometimes its so difficult to attain. Maybe if we stopped thinking of it as something to be attained but rather as the absence of worry. For example, on the way to Pasir Ris just now, I had to literally tell God, "I'm going to stop worrying now... If there's anything I forgot please let me know."

I guess thats why things are better now... Ok, I gotta go sleep now. The ASTW company opposite my window has turned out the lights & I'm writing in the dark. Thank You God in advance for a good night's rest.

Twenty-four hours... A measly twenty-four hours before they confine us for 2 weeks. Just too bad I guess.

Dear Lord... I pray that this time will be a good time of learning and new experiences. I pray against fear and anxiety. I pray against bad situations. I pray against feelings of dread and despair. I thank God for joy, wisdom, strength, endurance, patience and everything else that I might need.

Its just 2 weeks. Its not so bad. It can be done. It will be done.

Whoosh... We've been going outfield these few days and doing lots of section movement under fire and things like that. Its been surprisingly fun so far. I really enjoy fighting the 'invisible' enemy. And being able to lead the section provides a whole new experience for me. Many first time experiences...

I've been getting a lot of stick from my section mates though. Because of my 'relaxed' manner, they think I'm slacking off... Am I slacking?
I'm trying the best I can, learning as I go along. If my best isn't good enough, then maybe I don't deserve to be here.

Speaking of best, I hit a new personal best for the SOC trial test yesterday. 8 minutes 41 seconds. My previous best in BMT was 9 minutes 35 seconds. Today was the actual test and I was worried about muscle fatigue. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep that timing. But after committing it to God & clinging to Him for strength during the strenuous, torturous run, I managed to hit 8 minutes 51 seconds. Praise God for that!

Sleep calls. Last day of being sectino commander tomorrow. IF I can make an impact, I want to.

::: Quote of the Day :::
"All the time we are pursuing Him, realise that we already in His hand."

The grace of God has been overflowing this week. Or rather, my awareness of it has been heightened. The navigation exercise we had this week went pretty well. Managed to find every single checkpoint. But the most amazing thing was that I had the strength to walk for the entire day. I wouldn't be surprised if the total distance we walked for the navigation test was over 15km.

Today's SOC was postponed because of a drizzle... This is unheard of in SISPEC. Usually we continue in spite of the rain. I believe its God doing His thing with those in authority. I was telling God that my body could not take the SOC tests after the walking but I committed the situation to Him saying that if I had to run it, He would provide the strength & endurance. I was praying this just before the test when I was preparing my webbing. Training is getting tougher every week. But I think we're unwittingly preparing ourselves for whats coming up by endurance training like this.